That’s a difficult question. Though a book on the family does use research and interviews to come up conclusions, one has also to be careful of making too many generalizations. Families in India vary greatly, as do families abroad. But if I were to single out one trait that sets Indian families, apart, it would be the very strong bonding between members of the extended family. This is actually true of all of South Asia. India, Pakistan, Bangladesh, Nepal, Sri Lanka, we have a lot in common in the way of family ties.

I was not aware till I started working on the book, that the joint family was a very upper class construct. It was the large land holdings and the common income it generated that enabled various members of a family to live together. In such a scenario, sons and daughters-in-law shared good times and bad, and children grew up together, often being brought up more by uncles and aunts than their own parents, and bonding with cousins sometimes more closely than with their own brothers and sisters. In The Great Indian Family, one of the women I interviewed conjured up the flavour of such an era, by saying that if one member of family got diabetes, mithai would not come on the table.

It is easy to romanticize the past, and I do not want to do that. So while it is true, that the joint family worked very well for some families, and some individuals, it trapped others into roles and situations, which they found uncongenial. It is where a patriarchal society's excesses were likely to be most oppressive.

In the West, especially in the UK, the US and the more developed countries of Western Europe, individuals place a very great premium on individualism, on “personal space”. These societies also tend to value material benefits more highly. In India, and in Asia, far greater value was placed on family. Weddings and other family occasions where people tended to congregate and spend time together in close proximity were relished with absolutely no thought of the many inconveniences one had to put up with.

While researching the book, I did find that this was changing quite rapidly. Indians still value their families very highly, but the times have changed, and so have individuals. Personal convenience and personal space are now more important here too.

2) Where do you think the west could learn from the mores and values of the Indian family? And vice versa?

The West is too vague a term, when one is talking of family values. Countries such as Italy and Portugal are much closer to India in their attitudes to the family. But I think parents in the UK, for instance, are too reluctant to lay down rules. There is great wariness in what is seen as passing judgement on another individual, even if that individual is a teenage offspring. I was quite horrified that in the UK, government has allowed underage teenagers to avail of contraception in schools without parental knowledge and consent. I believe an unwanted pregnancy is not the only negative outcome of teenage promiscuity, but in some countries the approach to these issues, appears to me, to be a little woolly headed.

3) With the old age population increasing everywhere in the world, why didn’t you devote a separate chapter on the elderly generation in The Great Indian Family?

This is a very valid question. I do mention the new challenges the care of the elderly poses in an environment where there is no longer a family home. In the past, generations lived together in a family home.

I also mention that there is need for more flexibility at the workplace as we are now entering an era where not just the wife but also the mother and mother-in-law may be employed and there will be no “free” person to take care of the needs of the young or the old. There are interviews, which show that elderly parents living in the homes of their adult children have to make adjustments that they did not have to make in the past.

I had actually got a lot of research on the elderly, which I did not use, because I felt it was important to have a certain “flow”. The whole book is actually a powerful argument for better work-life balance and to keep this argument cogent and focussed, I decided not to make use of much of the my research on old people and on children.

4) Another thing missing from the book was the changing relationships between brothers and sisters/siblings nowadays. How far do you think the life of the family changes due to this critical factor?

I think the book does deal with the effect of trying to keep family bonds alive in an environment where due to the varied opportunities available, one sibling may earn in a month, what another earns in a year. The chapter on working fathers has the story of an army officer who has to deal with such a scenario.

5) In the last chapter on Workplace, the examples of small family-run businesses were conspicuous by their absence. The problems faced by the men (sons, fathers, grand-fathers, uncles) and women (wives, mothers) of these families are both similar and different. Please comment.

The Great Indian Family has a very vast scope. It is a good place to begin an exploration of the family, the workplace, and the effect of one on the other. I hope the subject of my book starts a debate, which I am sure, will be taken forward by other writers.

I have spoken to people in family run businesses; one woman said that one had to stay together (in a joint family) because otherwise one got left out when crucial decisions were taken. Another woman architect (in a family run business) stated that she believed that it was only possible for her to balance work and family life in such a set up, but yes, it is a fact that the real focus in the chapter on the Workplace is on organizations, which I believe would be on a best practices list of workplaces in this country. There was a reason for this. I wanted to project a little into the future. Many people have little or no option when it comes to employment, they must perforce do whatever jobs they get, and therefore work the way the employer, or the job itself demands.

But I was interested in finding out what people who had the opportunity to choose would really like to do. Though most of the book is representative of the middle class urban Indian, the chapter on young people focuses on what could be called the elite. These young people do not come from rich and powerful families, but because they have competed into institutes or are working for organizations that are much in demand, it could be said that they are in a position to dictate the kind of jobs, and working conditions they wish to have.

Similarly, the chapter on the Workplace is about organizations that are in a position to offer better working conditions than many other organizations may be able to provide. These organizations aim to attract and retain the best talent available in the country. What are the working conditions they offer? I thought that taking a look at these individuals and these companies could help us understand the direction our society may move in the future.

6) What are the dynamics of NRI families? They must be quite different from the Great Indian Family…

The book does deal briefly with NRI families. One young daughter in law talks of how the familiar customs provided a welcome security blanket. I also state that unfortunately, other NRI homes are fairly repressive. But the book is already over 300 pages long; there was a need to restrict the areas that were to be researched in detail!

7) Do you think, “being liberated” for a member (irrespective of the gender and marriage) in the Indian family is a utopian concept? Is it really possible?

I don't think it is a utopian concept at all. I think families function best when every member contributes to common responsibilities and when every member is also given the space and “freedom” to fulfill personal and professional aspirations. Frankly, I don't see the family surviving very long if societies cannot do this; because women have such unhappy options in the way they have to choose between personal happiness and professional aspirations. Women in developed countries are choosing to marry late or not at all, and have fewer children, or none at all. This is why I felt compelled to write this book!

8) At the rate the great Indian family is evolving, when would the time come to write a sequel to the book – after 5, 10, 15 or 20 years? Please tell us why you think so.

I have no idea! But I know that the pace of change is truly formidable. Values and lifestyles have changed dramatically in less than a generation! I rather hope readers may suggest any areas they would be interested in reading about…

9) What do you think about the portrayal of Indian families (nuclear and joint) in Bollywood? How close does it come to reality?

I think Bollywood is churning out all kinds of films, depicting, all kinds of families, some are progressive, some regressive, some plain farcical. Capturing reality is not easy. Capturing reality and also making it entertaining for large audiences is, I am sure, supremely difficult, especially in a country with diverse regional realities. The fact that many films are successful means that they touch a chord somewhere.

10) What books would you recommend for the reading of the whole family J?

Families are made up of individuals with varied tastes, so I suppose each member of the family would read books that would appeal to him or her at whatever point of life they are at. In our family, we read aloud books I thought my children would enjoy. These included Alice in Wonderland by Lewis Carroll, Charlie and the Great Glass Elevator by Roald Dahl, Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie, Beastly Tales by Vikram Seth. We also read aloud fairy tales from many lands, along with the Panchatantra and Ramayana. But naturally, at this point of time, I am hoping families will read The Great Indian Family - New Roles, Old Responsibilities!